Lush
by XxYaoi-ADDICTxX
Summary: When Renji and Rangiku decide to tell all to each other about their love for Rukia and Gin, they go through great distances to find their love. The more they work together to help each other, they slowly develop feelings for each other.
1. Chapter 1

Lush

When Renji and Rangiku decide to tell all to each other about their love for Rukia and Gin, they go through great distances to find their love. The more they work together to help each other, they slowly develop feelings for each other.

CHAPTER ONE

[Abarai]

She's getting more distant. It's hard to reach her now.

She felt so far away yet she was only a few steps before me. All I ever wanna do is at least tell her how much I loved her. I don't know what exactly is stopping me. Perhaps it's because we're always busy. There's hardly any time for leisure. When we _do_ find time, that time… _her_ time is never spent on me. How long must I wait to find the right opportunity to tell her all these feelings?

… Rukia.

You see me as family. I just know it. When we were little, that's how it's been. You think nothing's change, don't you? Rukia.

Why do you look at me like that? The eyes of friendship. The eyes of...

Tsh. I'm even rambling in my thoughts.

"I'm pathetic."

Afraid. A hopeless romantic. Hell, a _closet _hopeless romantic. No one really know how I really feel. Sure Hinamori has an idea but she wouldn't understand completely.

"I'm pathetic."

Yet aching for her. Every night, I caress the little bit of space I have left on my bed, wondering if she will ever lay here. Or beside me for that matter. We don't have to do anything either. Sex wasn't what I need from her. I just want her by my side. A smile from the heart would do just fine. A touch from her fingertips on my face would do just fine.

A kiss could make things right. But just asking for that would be far too much. No doubt I love her…

… I just want her to know… Rukia.

"… The sky. It's incredible. Isn't it? Rangiku…"

She was standing behind me for a while. So far, she was simply watching me. She knows something is on my mind. But whose mind is never on something?

"It sure is, Renji." Her voice was mellow yet a dab of humor was in her tone. "It looks like you were thinking in deep thought."

She sat beside me and a glimmer of a smile appeared on her lips. "Who knew that _our_ Renji would ever sit in deep thought?"

Rangiku was right. This side of me only appears once in a blue moon.

The sky was the only thing that was there to listen to my thoughts. This is why I sit in this spot- where the sky is most vivid- whenever I need the sky to listen to me.

I'm rambling to myself again.

"It's that girl, huh?" Rangiku suddenly says to me. "That girl Rukia, right?"

She got. Was I _that_ obvious? I guess my emotions are that easy read. Tsh.

"She's important to you. I know that much, Renji. Believe me, I can understand that."

Rangiku's eyes widened into the dark yet star full sky. I don't know enough of her but she had the eyes that I have. The eyes of worry, doubt. The eyes of question. They ask, 'why did this happen?' 'Where are you?' 'How can this be?' These eyes ask so many questions.

But why is Rangiku 'wearing _my_ eyes'?

Is she… in love as well?

"I know how it feels, Renji. You ask yourself a series of questions… Do they love me? Why do I feel this way about you? ... It hurts somewhat," Her eyes disconnects from the sky to me. "Doesn't it, Renji?"

I didn't know how to respond. She was correct throughout. I was speechless in a way.

Before I got a chance to truly react, she laughs loudly before staring into the sky again. "What was _THAT_ look for?"

"It's nothing. I just had no idea that you felt this way, Rangik—"

"Neither does anyone else." She adds.

We were just alike. Just alike. Rangiku and I. And the only people that understood _us_ was…

Well, us. Each other.

That day, we watched the sky rise to its bright blue sky. It was also a day when our friendship grew stronger. I found a friend that actually understands me.


	2. Chapter 2

Lush

When Renji and Rangiku decide to tell all to each other about their love for Rukia and Gin, they go through great distances to find their love. The more they work together to help each other, they slowly develop feelings for each other.

CHAPTER TWO

[Matsumoto]

He was in question. Just like me.

He was in love. Just like me.

He feels lonely. Just like me.

Can you explain this to me? Gin…

You've had me wrapped around your finger. You had my heart from the beginning. When we were little… you were there.

Why have you gone astray? Why did you leave me here all alone?

What left do you have to say to me? Gin?

Why did you let me hold onto you for so long? You knew all along yet you left me in the dark…

I was in question. Just like Renji.

Unfortunately, Renji can only understand so much of me. My chance to be happy is to zero. All he has to do is tell Rukia how he feels.

But me? I'll always remain… alone.

"What are you waiting for? Tell her already." I said to Renji.

His focus was still on the sky above us. He didn't respond to me.

Renji… Don't waver too long. Or you'll end up like me…

Gin… how could you leave me… with so many memories of your? I remember so many things. Things that we did together. So discreetly, the things we did when others weren't looking. Your cool touch to my skin. Your soft lips… they always begged me for attention when we were together. Your scent was like winter breeze. It still lingers around me.

It seems like you haunt me even when you're gone. Leaving me was the most hurtful thing you can do to me, Gin.

And now, these days, you've been on my mind. Especially now that I have someone to talk to. Renji tells me everything nowadays.

I tell _him_ everything nowadays.

Every night, we sit upon the roof and tell it all.

And every time when I say the name Gin… my mind travels to the past.

When my life only revolved around Gin. You _were_ my life, Gin.

"My Rangiku… All mines." He would say. He would hold me close, while his long slender fingers stroke my hair. It was like a dream. To know that I was his once…

"You love me, don'tcha?" He purred to me once. He was holding my face when he asked me that. I was afraid to answer then. Afraid that my answer could chase him away. I never answered him. Now that he's gone, I knew what I was to say.

"Yes, I do." I said, thinking out loud.

I felt Renji's attention on to me now. I didn't look at him but I heard him sitting up. "I know it's not my place to say this Rangiku, but… Ichimaru Gin is stupid to let someone like you go so easily. You're funny, caring, strong, and not to mention beautiful and a great listener. As far as I see it, he's a downright asshole."

My eyes finally met his eye. No doubt... Renji was being sincere.

"thank you." I said, leaning on his shoulder. "I think I needed to hear that… For so long, I've been holding onto this hope… This hope that he will one day reappear. Hoping that I would wake up in his arms. But now, I think it's time for me to walk forward. No more reaching for the unreachable."

Renji sighed afterwards. "Maybe… I should give up as well."

I turned to his gaze with a look of my own. "Are you crazy? First thing in the morning, I'm going to make sure you tell Rukia EVERYTHING."

"Wh-What?"

"You heard me. You can't fear what she's going to say. Tell her everything. If she doesn't feel the same, move on. Otherwise, if she feels the same, you'll be in luck."

And as for me… I'll be alone. Again.

I stood up and stretched slightly. "Let call it a night. Renji."

A/N: Everyone say hooray for a new chapter! Hopefully, that I can update a lot. Sadly, I just started my college classes and I got a feeling that my Art history is gonna kick my ass a bit. But hey, I think I can pull through. Don't ya think? By the way, don't forget to leave me a review.


	3. Chapter 3

Lush

Chapter Three:

I'm nervous. My palms have been perspiring since daybreak. I shouldn't be nervous.

"Come on. There she is." I heard Rangiku cheering me on. "You can do this."

"I can do this." I repeated after her. But as many times as I say 'I can do it', my palms were clearly still moist with sweat.

"Okay." I finally moved my feet. In the direction of where Rukia was perched on a bench. She was taking in the scenery. Something that I enjoy doing as well. The tress' petals fluttered around her as if her beauty aroused them. Of course, no one would think in such a way like this but me.

I was only a yard away form her now. Her attention was still on the landscape that posed before her.

Now my hands are shaking. Dammit, I needed to calm down- I'm approaching her faster than I thought.

The leaves beneath my feet cracked, causing the eyes of Rukia shoot up at me. She looked pleased. "Renji."

"Rukia." I show how got the courage to sit beside her. "It's been a while."

"It has."

For that moment, the only noise that was there was the rustling of the petals and leaves. It might have looked like a pleasant scene but I didn't sit here just to do some sight seeing. Think, Renji. You gotta say something.

"Is there something on your mind? Your face looks so focused." She spoke to me in a somewhat humorous tone. But I didn't see this as a laughing matter at all.

Little does she know I'm about to tell her everything. About how much I loved her. About how long I have wanted to hold her into my arms. And how long, I hoped that you would feel that same way.

"Actually, there is." I said, staring into the trees. I can't into her eye just yet. I'm still nervous. "It's about a girl."

"A girl?" Again, she speaks in a happy tone. Almost mischievous this time.

"Yeah, a girl." I said, finally turning for a moment for our eyes to meet. I guess by the look in my eyes, she soon realized that this wasn't _just_ some daily conversation. I was preparing myself to pour my heart out.

"I'm… In love with her… I haven't told her because… I never thought I would ever have the chance to. Even if I do tell her, what exactly is going to happen?"

I paused. I wanted to see if Rukia had something to say. She didn't.

I continued. "In a way…. I'm still scared to tell her. I don't want to ruin things between us…. She's such an amazing person…. I don't want to put such a bad impression on the friendship we have today…."

I can't believe I'm doing this.

"You're afraid… that she's going to say something you don't want to hear." Rukia said monotonously. I didn't feel her eyes on me.

"Correct." I closed my eyes. I think she's beginning to catch on.

It was silent once again. I'm not quite done just yet. I don't know how long am I going to keep speaking to her indirectly.

"I lover he so much…. The only thing that I could have done was to just watch over her from a distance. She doesn't need it but it feels like that is my duty to do so. It's the least I can do…. Heh, it feels like I'm rambling now."

I sat up straight to turn my eyes to her once more. "Can you tell me how she feels about this? Rukia?"

Her eyes were stuck in mines. I couldn't read what she was thinking. They just looked back at me as if I was just dark space. Or maybe she was just trying to study _my_ eyes. I don't know anymore. After her eyes lingered mines, she touches my shoulder and stands up.

I watched her as she stood up. I was expecting her to say something.

With the simple twist of her foot, she turns to walk away from me. I was shocked.

Did she know what I was talking about? Does she realize that the girl that I was in love with so long… was _her_?

"Rukia." I said. I know she heard me. But she kept walking.

I don't… understand. Did I say something wrong? Did I make the wrong decision? Was my wording not sincere enough?

What is this pain in my chest?

… It hurts.

Dammit…

"Rukia…." I whispered her name to myself as I watched her disappear in the distance.

A/N: Hey, everyone. I hope you guys liked this chapter. I would have uploaded this sooner but my chapters were ALL deleted and now I have to rewrite all of it again. But I must say, I think this redo sounds much better than the original. Maybe because of this Vampire Knight Soundtrack that I have been listening to while I was doing this gave me a lift. Oh well. PLEASE leave me a comment. I sometimes get sad when I see people reading it and they don't leave me a comment.


	4. Chapter 4

Lush

Chapter Four:

[Matsumoto]

I'm afraid.

Afraid to close my eyes.

I see him.

I see him reaching for me… With his slender, bony fingers.

They don't seem so welcoming anymore.

I open my eyes form my nightmare, sitting up and wiping the sweat from the nape of my neck.

I can't do this. These dreams…. They're making me miserable.

"Gin…" I whispered to myself. I almost wanted to curl up in a fetal position. Almost catatonic. I just want him to stay out of my dreams… He's scaring me now.

_"Rangiku? You in there?" _I heard a voice on the other side of my door. I was so relieved.

"Renji." Without thinking, I opened my door and he stood over me. I hadn't realized how tall me was until now. He had a smile on his face just as I did.

A smile means happy but I don't see any sort of happiness shining off of him.

But I'm pretty sure that he's thinking no different about me.

It doesn't matter. I'm glade to see Renji.

"Morning. Is something the matter?" I said to him. He smiles and takes my hand.

"We haven't watched the sun rise in a while." He said.

I didn't respond back. I just followed.

We went up to the roof and sat upon it. The air was soft and the sky was beginning to bloom. The sight was already beautiful even without the sunrise.

"You okay?"

I smirked at Renji's question. If he didn't know any better, I would have called him stupid for asking.

"I've been better. Much better… I keep getting these dreams of Gin. I mean, I always had them. Before, they were very pleasant and it was something that I didn't mind dreaming about every night but… not anymore. Now it seems like he's torturing me."

I hold out my hands as an example. "I keep seeing his hands. They're always after me and I don't know how to make him stop."

I drop my hands down and soon after wrapped myself tightly with my arms.

And just like that, I felt the biggest pair of arms wrap around me.

"R-Renji-"

"Don't even stress it. You're too good for that freak anyway. If you ask me, he's nuts for letting go of someone that is as amazing as you…"

And he wasn't saying it out of pity. It really sounds like he meant it.

HE REALLY MEANT IT. And it brought my heart to mush. I closed my eyes and rested on his chest.

It was comfortable here… I could rest here all day and not think about anything or anyone else.

Gin would be no more…

But when are things as such ever that easy?

We stayed like that for ten minutes before I realized who awkward it was becoming.

I finally pulled away and he almost looks at me with a confused look.

"Oh, sorry. I guess I got a little carried away." He said. For a moment, I thought I saw him blushing.

"No, it's alright. You made me feel better."

I squinted, now taking note that the sun had already risen from the gardens beyond.

"… I'm sorry for waking you up so early. I doubt the others are awake." Renji said, standing to his feet. "I guess this is where we begin our duties?"

"No." I said, reaching for his hand. "Let's stay a little while longer. Please."

He looks into my eyes and he smiles before sitting beside me once again.

Good. I didn't want to be alone… And I'm sure neither did he.

The evening came by so quickly… I had forgot to ask Renji about how did everything go with Rukia.

How could I have been so self centered? I was so worried about myself that… I forgot to ask my only, _very_ close friend I have about himself.

"I promise, Renji. First thing in the morning… I will sit by you… and the day will belong to you…"

A/N: Boo, I know short chapter. I was running out of stuff to say. It's been really hard for me to try and remember what my original chapters said. Dammit, why must al of my chapters disappear? Ugh. Oh well. I hope you guys liked this chapter. Renji's POV will be the next chapter. I always like his side of the story. Review please!


	5. Chapter 5

Lush

Chapter five:

[Renji]

My eyes opened to the beamed ray of sun that peered through my window. I sighed to myself. It's now becoming a habit. A bad habit. My hand touched the right of my bed. I never thought a small amount of space on my bed would upset me. Maybe because it always looks like this space belongs to someone else. Like someone is meant to lie beside me.

Of course, the first person that comes to find would be Rukia… But I already know that my thoughts were just, thoughts.

It's painful to think that way but that's the way it seems nowadays.

I hate feeling this way. I never thought that I would turn out this way. All because I didn't like the way Rukia reacted to my feelings.

"She didn't even give me a real response." I said to myself.

What now? Am I going to lay here and worry about this?

Or am I going to be a man and get over this? Ughh, I don't know anything anymore! I need a sign… A sign on what the hell I need to do.

Strangely enough, there was a light knock on my door. Without thinking, I hopped out of my bed and reached for the door.

"I'm sorry to wake you up so early in the morning."

I clenched my jaw. _This_ isn't what I was asking for. But she must be here for a reason.

"Morning, Rukia." I said, opening the door a bit winder for her to enter.

Suddenly, my stomach decided to do some flips. Why am I freaking out? Am I going to behave this way every time I see her?

I watched her as she sat herself on my bed. She not once looked in my eyes. I do not like this already. Her face is telling me something. I'm not sure what, but it's nothing good. I just know it.

"So, what's on _your_ mind? Rukia?" I stood over her, as she finally looks me in the eye. Well, for a moment.

"I wanted to first… say sorry for my behavior a while back. I was… overwhelmed."

"So was I."

A nervous smile appears on her face for she lowers her eyes to the floor. "Listen to me, Renji… I'm not… in love with you…"

That's was all I needed to here. But I continued to listen.

"You were family… from the beginning. And… I don't want things to feel out of place. I want to keep you… by my side… But not the way you want it to be…" Her hand reaches for mine. "I'm sorry."

Her tiny hand held mines tightly. I kept my eyes on our hands. I felt so right… But this isn't what I wanted. It's what she wanted. In a way, she wanted to see me suffer. She wanted me by her side… but not to be there because of love… But because of _friendship_.

And I'm so sick of it.

I pulled my hand away from her hands. "Thanks… You can go now. Rukia."

I didn't look at her while I was speaking to her. I just wanted her to go. I didn't even want to see her face.

I know I shouldn't be so upset but… it can't be helped. I've been holding on so long that felt like she was the one who betrayed me.

ButI'm wrong. I'm just letting my emotions get to me.

"Renji—"

"_Please_, Rukia. Leave me alone. _Please_."

She rose from my bed and stared at me for a good second before leaving me in my room.

For a moment, I thought I was gonna cry. I don't ever recall actually crying. I never found an actual reason to cry. Or to even think about what the word, cry, had even meant. But now that I'm standing here in my room, I know that I will always wake up wanting to cry… because now I know that the space on the left side of my bed will… always be empty.

It will never be Rukia by my side. No matter how she wants me to be by her side, it feels like I need to simply leave her alone. She was indeed like family but… my thoughts are so messed up right now, I'm not sure if my head is on straight.

I can't move. I can't. I don't know what to do. What am I going to do? Why can't I think straight? Why… Do I feel so alone?"

"_I'm going to make sure you tell Rukia EVERYTHING."_

I can hear Rangiku's voice in my head. She was so supportive. She was always there for me.

She was there to make me feel… so much better.

Rangiku…

My head shot up, the thought of her made me feel differently. She wasn't here to tell me that everything was going to be all right… I can hear her saying right now. It was quite frightening, actually.

Because… I found myself opening my door, to go find her. To go and find the one girl that can understand me completely. Rangiku.

A/N: Short, but sweet. Reviews please. And is it me or does the last two chapter of Rangiku's POV, kind of seemed a tad repetitive? See, this is what happens when you lose your originals. You lose track of what the hell you wrote. Sigh, oh well. I will make sure that the next chapter will make you feel all warm and fuzzy :)


	6. Chapter 6

Lush

Chapter Six:

[Matsumoto]

Nothing is greater than stepping into the garden early in the morning. This is something I hardly ever do, but this morning, I stepped out into the garden barefooted. It was cool and very relaxing. I have been feeling tense these days. Too tense, one would say. But of course, no one can really see that I am suffering over _him_. Or suffering for that matter.

Some would say that I am strong. Others would say that I could hold up my own. And I can, but it doesn't look that way anymore. I don't turn to crying but feels like that such a result is drawing near.

I sat on a bench in the garden, the morning dew putting moisture onto my clothing.

The sky was beautiful. I envied it. The sky could fall and rise everyday, looking so beautiful. It was something that I could achieve not. I don't mean to depress myself but a thought like this comes to mind. Thanks to Gin.

The man's not around and yet he depresses me.

I'm… so done with him. I don't want him anymore. "So, what do I do?"

Asking the sky won't do any justice.

"Rangiku!"

My eyes dropped from the sky and to the figure that was running towards me. By the figure and the voice, I knew who was running to me. Renji. His voice was distant but I could hear a tad of excitement in his tone. At the same time, it felt like he was coming to me with bad news.

The closer he got, the more nervous I grew. I was a little uneasy once he was a meter away.

"What's wrong, Ren—"

My question was cut short once I was caught in Renji's embrace. He was holding me pretty tight even though I could tell he was totally out of breath.

"Renji. What's going on?" I asked. He didn't say anything at first. The only thing I heard was the sound of his heart beating fast.

"I just… needed to see you." He said. His voice was a bit shaky. I didn't want to believe that he was crying before he got here. But did it really matter if he was or not? My job at that moment was to be his rock. It was my job to support him in every way possible. This either didn't burden me. I was _glad_ to be by his side.

Finally, I rested my head on his chest, hearing the beats of his heart slow. He was calming down. That's good.

There must be a reason why he's behaving this way. The first thing that came to mind was Rukia? Did something happen between the two?

"Rukia… she doesn't want me. She doesn't love me. She… doesn't _need _me." He finally said in a low tone of voice. Just as I expected. It WAS about Rukia. This poor man's heart is broken.

I was the first one he turned to. I'm glad.

"Do not despair, Renji. Everything happens for a reason."

He pulls away from me and sits on the bench that I was once sitting on. "I guess you're right about that."

I sat beside him and grabbed a hold of his hand. I not the 'touchy' type but it seems that Renji really needed support. He looked so down, it was beginning to frighten me.

"Look on the bright side, you have me. You know I'll do anything for you." I said, happily. I meant what I said. I really will do almost _anything _for him. Renji has become very important in my life.

We needed each other.

And just like that, Renji's eyes turns into my direction. He looks me in the eyes and the color in his eyes grew vivid. I must have cheered him up a bit because he hugged me again.

But this time… the hug was different. The first time he hugged me, was like the hug a mother would hold her child. But the hold that he had on me now was… too much to even describe. His face was buried in my neck and he held me tightly. Almost holding me as if he feared me leaving him.

I would _never_.

It felt really nice in his arms. He was warm and welcoming. I didn't want him to let go of me. And I was sure he wished that as well.

"I wish… I could stay like this." I heard him say. "You are… too kind to me. Rangiku."

"No. _You're_ too kind. I couldn't have asked for anyone by my side right but you, Renji. Only… _you_."

There was a slight pang in my chest. It was a feeling that felt familiar. It was this feeling I got when I was filled with… exhilaration. I was in high spirits.

Oh, Renji… You make me smile again.

"Thank you. For being here." He said, still holding onto me.

And although we didn't talk much about why he was feeling so down, the power of our very long embrace made everything all right. As for me, I feel like myself again. The last person that was on my mind was Gin.

He was beginning to fade away.

I didn't want him anymore.

I just needed my friend, Renji, by me and I will feel whole again.

A/N: Short and sweet. REVIEWS PLEASE! I think I rush this one a bit. My atmosphere is a bit loud. I think effected my mood :(


	7. Chapter 7

Lush

Chapter Seven:

[Abarai]

I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking. The image of _her_ keeps running in my mind. It was on constant repeat. This cannot be happening. Why is this happening?

Why do I keep thinking about… Rangiku?

Was it because she has been here all along? Was it because she was the only woman that I could feel good around these days? Or am I simply yearning for a woman's attention?

Whatever the solution may be, my sense of attitude has changed in the past few hours. Well, my attitude toward Rangiku, that is.

It feels like I have a duty. I have a duty to keep watch over Rangiku. Since the morning when I came to her for comfort, I felt so much better.

She didn't have to lift a single finger, yet the presence of her made everything right. And she had done it so easily. Funny thing is, I bet that she has no clue as what she has done to me. I find the need to be around her all the time now.

I wish I knew why I am now feeling this way but…. I don't know. I'm rambling to myself.

All I wanna do is see _Rangiku._

Now, that I am hearing myself, I sound a bit obsessed. Well, call me obsessed. I _need_ that woman in my lifee. I don't know what it is but… I need to see her now. Even if it's just to say hi.

"_No. You're too kind. I couldn't have asked for anyone by my side right but you, Renji. Only… you."_

I can hear her words going on and on in my head. She's glad to have ME. And I felt pretty good about that.

But how can she be happy to have me? If there were anyone that was doing the supporting, it would be her. I have been so caught up with my own crazy, stupid emotions that I always end up forgetting that she is suffering as well. I haven't even asked Rangiku how has she been? Has she been able to sleep these days? Is that asshole named Gin still taunting her mind?

I must know…

I looked outside of my window, realized how dark it was outside. I hope she doesn't mind my late visit. I got out of bed and went to her barracks.

The lights were on. It must mean she's still up. A silhouette of her body shadowed on the paper-thin sliding door. She must have known there was someone by her door.

"Erm, it's me, Rangiku." I said. For some odd reason, I was sort of embarrassed to visit her at this time of the night.

I thought I heard a laugh on the other side of the door. It slides open and she was no longer in her uniform. I'm assuming that I was bothering her from her sleep. "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. Did I bother you?" I asked, stepping in.

"No, not really… sleeping still hard to do."

I almost frowned as she had her back to me. She was still suffering. I can see it in her eyes. It's written all over her. Even her eyes are beginning to lose its color. It is being replaced by gray fades below her eyes. In reality, she was beginning to look terrible. Almost as bad as that time Momo went psycho over Aizen's departure..

The only difference is that Rangiku wants to actually forget about Ichimaru. That asshole is getting to me and he's not here.

Should have kicked his ass when I got the chance.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked, touching her shoulder.

She laughes and shakes her head. "No, I'll be fine…"

A moment of silence arrived, making this scene even more awkward.

"…. Um, well. Then I guess… I'll see you in the morning?"

"In the morning, Renji." She said, smiling at me. I turned to the exit.

That was the most bogus smile I have ever seen. She wasn't happy. No matter how many times, I hold her, no matter how many times I tell her that I will be here for her, she will still be sad.

I want to help her so bad… What am I gonna do?

No, I can't turn my back on her. She has done so much for her… I gotta make her feel good.

I turned back to face her. "Rangiku… I can't leave you right now."

She looks at me, confused. She chuckles nervously. "Haha, what are you talking about? Sure you can. The door's right there."

She didn't get it. I walked up to her and touched her face. Her humorous look changes quickly. She looks confused at first but she looks into my eyes. It was as if, she was accepting what ever I was about to do to her.

I hands was cold against her face but she didn't flinch a bit. She just stood there, looking back at me.

"R-Renji."

"I'm not going to stand here and watch you suffer on your own. You can tell me _anything_. You have walked me through the toughest times… Please, let me do the same for you."

"That's sweet but… I don't know what you can do to help me in such a situation… I thought Gin was gone from my head but he's still in there. He's destroying every part of me… I don't know what anyone can do…"

I needed to save her. I just need to.

"You're wrong… I can make you happy again. I swear… I will make you forget about him. You understand me? So promise me this… to never shed a tear for him. To never fall weak of his hold on you… Be strong… _Rangiku Matsumoto_."

She closed her eyes and nodded downwards, breaking our eyes contact.

I brought here eye back up to mines. She smiles, holding my hand and moving them to her shoulders. "Thank you, Renji. You truly are an incredible man. I will always hold you very dear to me."

"That's good. I'm glad." I said, kissing her forehead.

I turned out of the room, leaving her with something to think about.

A/N: I'm sad, guys. I'm not getting enough reviews. I've got ONE loyal reader. (You know who you are!) and as much as I highly appreciate that, I keep wondering if my story is as good as I think it is. Maybe not. Bu then again, there's not really a lot of RenXRan fanfics. SO, GIMME MORE NEW READERS, MORE NEW REVIEWS! PLEASE!


	8. Chapter 8

Lush

Chapter Eight:

[Matsumoto]

One thing had changed that night. No, make that two. The first was that my haunting dream of my once distant lover, Gin, has ceased from my slumber. I was grateful.

And two, my dreams were replaced by Renji. Ever since he kissed my forehead that night, my mind has been strung up on him. I find myself watching him from a distant. I can't do that so much. It's already crazy enough that he feels like he has a duty to watch over me…

So, what's the matter with me? Why am I feeling this way? Why Renji? I know that it sounds like a stupid question. He's been really sweet to me ever since he had really gotten to know me. He's caring, strong, and he's honest. So, getting these feelings for him was something I should have suspected right from the very beginning. But I'm sure it's nothing but a petty crush. I mean, what girl would I _NOT_ be if I weren't going to be the slightest bit of attracted to a good guy? Or better yet, a hero.

No, I'm standing here on guard duty, thinking about him. "Ughh, no! I have to stay focused!"

Thankfully, no one was around to hear me talking to myself.

"Ranigku."

Dammit. Just great.

I unconsciously, fixed my uniform as I watched the tall red haired figure walks towards me proudly.

"Renji. What are you doing here?"

He almost seemed too thrilled to see me. I didn't mind though. "I ran into Izuru and he told me that you would be here."

"Ha, well you found me." I joked, laughing too casually. Why am I so nervous? It's not like this is something new. Being around Renji was never a problem. And it can't be such an issue right now.

"Well, I only wanted to ask you something. I don't wanna bother you from your work."

"Hm? What is it?"

"If you're not busy tonight, we can open up a new bottle of sake—"

"Sure." I blurted out. He looks at me with a surprised expression at first but he laughs eventually.

I really need to clam down. It's just a drink. It's just Sake…

A/N: Huh. I know. Boring and short. Sorry, rough week already. Next chapter should be up pretty fast anyway. I like doing Renji's POV anyway :)


	9. Chapter 9

Lush

Chapter Nine:

[Abarai]

She was absolutely… beautiful. Her blue eyes were bright as day. The clothes were flawless as well, complimenting her figure. It was the first time I had seen her as a woman. Before, I saw her as just a Shinigami.

A member of the Soul Society.

A good friend.

Now I see her as Rangiku, one of the best things that have stepped into my life…

~Eight hours ago~

Noon. When the sun shines its brightest. My duties were done for the day but Rangikus' would end when the sun grows weary.

I was lazily sitting in my office, staring at the bookshelf. There was a thin coat of dust resting upon it all. Who the hell reads books anyway? The room was quiet. Too quiet. I knew what the problem was.

I was bored as shit and it was beginning to drive me a bit crazy. I've been so used to hanging around Rangiku, I had really lost the desire to hang with the others. Izuru was sometimes a bore and Momo can be a bit annoying. And Rukia…

Well… I haven't really thought much about her. It was a good thing but now that her name happens to cross my mind… It wasn't until that point I realized that I had moved on rather quickly from her. Was it that easy? Has it always been that way? Or was it because Rangiku was always there for me?

I smiled to myself. An image of Rangiku's face appeared in my mind. She's been too good to me. This was why I had to at least treat her to a drink.

I'm not too good at sharing my feelings and stuff anyway.

I stayed in the same room for another hour, rocking in my chair back in forth, counting how many book were resting on the shelf. Exactly, one hundred and twenty three. I hadn't realized it until now that I was LITERALLY wasting my life away right now. I stood to my feet and advised myself to take a walk. Maybe some air would help for the least. But for one thing, Rangiku popped in my mind again.

"Renji. You look like you need a drink." I was in a daze again when the voice of someone had appeared in my head. I blinked a few times before turning in the direction of the voice. "Captain Kyoraku."

He walks closer to me as if he was going to sit beside me. Instead he stands by the bench. Now, that I'm thinking about it, how in the hell did I get here? I intended to take a walk but it turns out that my body only wants to sit down. Captain Kyoraku was someone that I wasn't using to visiting. Sometimes I feel a bit uneasy around him. He's by far one of the best of the best in Soul Society so I see him as an elder. Sometimes. Which is why I don't know how to behave when he's around.

"Are you all right? You seem tired. Bored even." He said, staring out into the sky. A move that I knew too well. Rangiku and I did that everyday on the roof. Geez, there I go thinking about here again.

"Not exactly. I just got a few things on my mind. I'm just waiting for the sun to set pretty much."

"Why?"

I paused, almost spilling out information. "Er, because I'm going to go see someone later on."

And just like that, a grin appears on his face. "Then how about you take a break with me until sunset?"

I wasn't sure if that was good idea. If you knew Kyoraku the way we did over here, you would know that most of his life revolves around drinking. It never ceases to amaze me. But else can I do during the next… SIX hours?

"Sure, why not?" I finally said, following him to… um, wherever we're about to go to. My guess would be out for a drink.

Again, I wasn't surprised. Kyoraku pulls out sake and I knew at that moment, I was going to regret drinking with him. Drink now AND later? I know that tomorrow morning wasn't going to be the highlight of my morning.

"So, tell me about this girl." He started as he poured the sake for me.

"Girl? What girl?"

He looks at me with a smirk. "With the exception of me, you should be having plans on seeing a woman tonight. Or am I wrong?"

I laughed nervously. Boy, he sure knew how to kick up a conversation. "Uh, yeah. You're right. She a very good friend of mines."

"Really? Tell me more." He says, face already flushed by the slight scent the sake is giving off. "Why are you two so close? Who is she?"

"Ah, well. I don't know. I guess we hit it off when we realized that we had a lot of things in common. We were kind of going through this personal crisis. And eventually, we managed to dust each other off and continue with our life." How come whenever I spoke of Rangiku, I get so thrilled about it? I must be really happy to have a good friend like her by my side.

"You speak very highly of her, Renji. You sure she's not your girlfriend?" He laughes, pouring his second serving.

"N-No. Not at all. Besides, she's still kind of hung up on Ichi—er, this guy she used to know. She's pretty bent out of shape with it all and I try my best to make her feel better."

"Why?" He asks me.

"Why?" I repeated after him. Hearing him ask me why sounded like a pretty stupid question if you ask me. Why? It's my duty to help her with anything. With all of those times I ran to her for support. She was always there for me. Rangiku never made anything feel worse. If anything, she made everything feel perfect. I felt so good around her.

I think I'm addicted to her.

"Because she's done a lot for me. I owe her." Short and simple. If I had repeated back what I am thinking in my mind, Kyoraku's thoughts would conclude that I was in love with her. Or something like that.

Suddenly, Kyoraku laughs at me. "Oh. Okay."

I was confused. Clearly. "What's so funny?"

He kept laughing. And after almost an hour of sitting there and trying to pry out the answer as to why he was laughing at me finally came out.

"You are definitely in love with this girl. What's her name?"

My face felt hot. I was embarrassed. How could he be so bold? How could he come out with such a result? I wasn't in love with Rangiku. I wasn't.

I wasn't.

"I-It's no one you know. And I'm not in love with her. She's just a really good friend." My face felt like it was on fire. Maybe it was the sake. I should have been counting how many times he poured me a cup. I don't know… Maybe four? Regardless, I KNOW that the sake was settling in my system. I can feel it in my chest. Like a burning ember, resting in my gut. I suddenly didn't feel so good.

He laughs somewhat loudly before putting his cup down and leaning towards me. "Okay, then. How about you try this on for size… Tonight when you see her, tell her that she looks beautiful."

"What?" I said, feeling a bit dizzy for some odd reason. "I can't do that. It'll make things weird—"

"No matter. Say it to her anyway. But here's the key. If she smiles and thanks you for saying that to her," He leans in some more, his nose a foot away from mines and continues to say, "and you feel good about saying it to her, then you do LOVE her. Do you understand me?"

"I-I think I understand."

Actually, I'm not sure if I understand what Kyoraku was telling me. He wants ME to tell Rangiku that she looks beautiful tonight? Maybe I should have just kept quiet about seeing someone tonight. Now, here I am sitting before Captain Kyoraku, feeling ill from this awful sake.

How long was I sitting here for anyway. I've probably been sitting here for at least two hourse. But it honestly feels like I was sitting here for days. I traced the rim of the sake bottle. What kind of sake was this anyway? It must have been some powerful stuff if it was driving me _this_ crazy.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Renji? If you don't get up, you're going to be late for your girlfriend." I felt a strong arm shaking me back and forth. What I didn't understand was _why_ someone shaking me? I don't recall falling asleep nor feeling sleepy. I opened my eyes to see Captain Kyoraku staring me down awkwardly. I sat up slowly and realized I was in the same place as before. But I decided to ask the Captain the obvious. "Where am I?"

"I was talking to you but you fell asleep. Do you know what time it is?" He asked me, worried.

"No I don't know what time it is. I'm sure I-" I paused. Oh, wait...

RANGIKU! Dammit, I'm gonna be late! I stood to my feet quickly, instantly stumbling. The sake must have been at its best right now. Everything was tilted and the floor beneath me seemed to have dissolved. But I can't just panic so soon. I have to go see her. I fixed myself as best as possible before leaving Kyoraku.

I can't believe I'm going to see Rangiku like this. This is _so_ embarrassing. What is she going to think of me now? I have never presented myself to anyone like this. In such disarray, I just want to turn back and head to my barracks. But no. I have been waiting for this all day. And I'm sure that Rangiku was too. For a while now, only our days of seeing each other was the only highlight of our days. I can't speak for her but that's how it's been for me. What else is there to smile for? Seeing others like Izuru and Hinamori was all well but it's not like I can go to them and feel... free. Alive. I suddenly laughed at what I just said. No wonder everyone thinks I'm in love. Friendship and love are easily mistaken. Well, the way I see things anyway. Maybe... In a friendly way I do love her. But if I was ever to fall in love again, hopefully it _would_ be someone as bright and amazing as Rangiku.

I was finally here. "Rangiku! I'm sorry I'm late!" I said, speaking on the outside of her door. The door slides open and she yanks me in. The sudden tug made me feel nauseous. Not good one bit. The lights were dim so it was hard seeing her. But by scent I knew it was her. She turned the lights on completely before presenting to me with a bothered look."What are you doing? Yelling like that."

"Yelling?" I repeated. I wasn't yelling. Or was I? I truly regret that drink with Kyoraku. "Oh. Sorry. I had a run in with Captain Kyoraku."

Rangiku walks over to the table where sake and a few other things like food were there. "Really? No wonder you already smell like him." She said, almost smirking.

Well, at least she was aware that I have been intoxicated before arriving here. She might have thought it was amusing but it was embarrassing to me. I followed her to the table and sat down.

_"Tonight when you see her, tell her that she looks beautiful."_ Kyoraku's word have made an impression on my mind. I almost wanted to laugh. How could I tell her such a thing? Especially now. She's wearing the same old uniform we usually wear. I look up at her to confirm myself. That's when I couldn't help to let my jaw dropped. Why didn't I notice that she was wearing something else? It wasn't the uniform, instead it was a bright blue outfit with all of these patterns. It was bright on my eyes but it was a slight to see.

"Renji?" She spoke. I looked up at her in confusion. "Yeah?"

"How much did you and Captain Kyoraku drink? You look flushed."

"A little too much maybe." I joked, keeping my eyes away from the sake. "I'm sorry."

"Ha, don't worry about it. It happens. You just better not chicken out on drinking with me." She said, handing me a drink. I could have guessed that she was going to make me drink some more. I honestly don't know who would out drink who. Captain Kyoraku or Rangiku. Regardless, I doubt I'm going to remember tonight at all.

I took the drink nervously and she laughs. "Don't tell me that you thought I was going to let you sit here and simply eat. Relax a bit. Drink more sake. It's good."

I looked at her and laughed nervously. That's when I paused. Has she always laughed that way? It was... cute. Rangiku? Cute? Oh, my head.

I wish that I could think more straight.

But the more I look at her, she becomes more of something to look at. I leaned back into the seat before looking at her again. My goodness...

She was absolutely… beautiful. Her blue eyes were bright as day. The clothes were flawless as well, complimenting her figure. It was the first time I had seen her as a woman. Before, I saw her as just a Shinigami.

A member of the Soul Society.

A good friend.

Now I see her as Rangiku, one of the best things that have stepped into my life...

Wait. What the hell am I saying? I sat up quickly, alarming Rangiku. "You okay?"

"Uh... yeah. Just... a bit nauseous. That's all." I admitted. Why am I behaving like this? Where did those thoughts even come from? I'm talking about Rangiku here! A good friend...

So why am I feeling like this?

"Because you're drunk." Rangiku said, pouring herself another serving. Did she hear my thoughts?

"Huh?" I aksed.

"You're nauseous. Because you're drunk." She said, stating the obvious.

Oh. Good. I thought I was going even more crazy.

_"Tonight when you see her, tell her that she looks beautiful."_

Talk about being persistent. Kyoraku's words sure are taking a toll on my mind. I looked at Rangiku once again. Well she _did_ look beautiful. But I can't say it to her. I can't.

I won't.

"You... Look beautiful tonight." I found myself saying it anyway. But indirectly.

She must have heard me because the room was quiet. I didn't want to look at her. She was probably upset. Or embarrassed. Or...

"... Thank you." She finally said. I looked at her and her face was slightly flushed. What?

Am I seeing things again? My head was suddenly throbbing.

_"If she smiles and thanks you for saying that to her... and you feel good about saying it to her, then you do LOVE her... Do you understand me?"_

She wasn't smiling but she sure have reacted positively to my words. But it was all about how I felt?

I have to be honest to myself now. How did I really feel right now? Besides from being dizzy and nauseous...

I felt good. Maybe because of the drinking but I _did_ feel good. But that doesn't mean I loved her. It probably meant that I was suddenly attracted to her.

But that's what sake does...

For one thing, I made the room silent. Thanks to my odd compliment...

"Kyoraku is one funny guy... Can you believe that he thought I was in love with you?" I laughed to myself.

Shut up, Renji. You're going to get yourself in trouble!

"Really?" Rangiku said. My eyes were closed at this point. So, I wasn't sure how she was reacting to all of this.

"Yeah... I was talking about you and he came up to that conclusion. I never mentioned your name or anything though..." I said, mumbling.

"I see." She said. "And what were to saying to him?" She asked.

I sighed. "I don't remember all of the details but... I was telling him that we were just close friends. Because we needed each other at that point. We each lost someone important so we used each other's company to ease the pain... But I found myself always ready for a song and dance when it came to conversations about you... which is why he probably came up with this crazy conclusion that I was in love with you..."

I paused. I thought I was gonna puke for a second. I sighed before talking again. "And I told him that I wasn't in love with you... I felt like I had a duty... to make you happy again... But that's what friends do, right?"

I didn't hear her respond. But I kept my eyes closed and continued talking. "It's strange... we didn't talk much about anything after that. But the whole time, I kept replaying things that we did together. And then I realized... that I wasn't in love with you... I was simply addicted to you..."

I finally opened my eyes. Rangiku's eyes were staring at her cup. Great. My drunk ass made things awkward again. I cleared my throat before fixing my posture. "Sorry. It's the sake talking."

She looked up at me before laughing back. "I know. Would you like to call it a night?"

"Uh... Um.-"

"I just remembered that I had a lot of paper work due in the morning." She said, before standing to her feet.

Was she... kicking me out?

"Er, sure. Okay." I stood as well. "Do you want me to help clean up or-"

"No, it's fine. You look sleepy." She said, pushing me out of the door.

What the hell just happened? What did I just do?

I stared at her door before walking off. I can't even think straight. Why did I drink so much? Since when did I ever talk so much when I was drunk? Did I really ruin the night because of my talking?

I don't even know what to think right now. Ugh, I'm so mad at myself...

No more sake for me... ever. EVER!

~~~

A/N: Hey, everyone. I know, I know. It's been ages. My finals ended a week ago and I made it out of first semester alive... AND PASSED! So, yay me! But still. There's no excuse to make you guys wait -.-  
So, consider this a LATE holiday gift (sorry ^^). And since my break ends mid January, I should be able to squeeze a few chapters before Spring semester kicks up. Then it's back to part 2 of college hell. And oh, sorry about making Renji all over the place in this chapter. He's been up and down in this chapter *hehe


	10. Chapter 10

Lush

Chapter 10:

[Matsumoto]

I wasn't sure... what had happened that night. But I haven't felt so awkward in my life. There was no surprise that Renji must have felt like that as well. And so, it's been a day before a week since Renji and I haven't spoken to each other. Was it wrong for me to ask him to leave that night?

To tell the truth, I was shocked. Unprepared. Maybe... secretly happy that he was telling me those things. He doesn't say he love me. And I can accept that. But the things that he was saying that night, has me fully convinced that there's a little more than friendship that he feels for me. Or maybe... It was just my way of admitting that _I_ was feeling a little more than friendship.

I look down at my when I realized that the ink bottle had spilled on a few sheets."Ah, what am I doing?"

Now, I'm ruining paperwork. What's wrong with me? Why can't I focus?

Okay, I get it. I have a small... crush on Renji. It's normal. No big deal. But still... I think I need to find Renji. To finally make all of this awkwardness go away.

It wasn't until noon when I decided to visit Renji at the barracks.

"Renji? Well, it's been two days since he was stuck in his room. We try not to disturb him. I think he's sick." One of this subordinate told me that once I got there. Renji was sick? How? Or was it just some excuse to stay in?

I stood by his door for about five minutes, not thinking of anything. It's a good thing that no one decided to ask me why was I staring at the door. I wouldn't know what to say if somebody did. But in any case... I have to help him at _least_ get better. All of those times he came to my aid so quickly... It's time for me to return the favor... I finally tapped on the door.

"Renji? Are you in there?" I spoke through the door. I didn't hear any noise nor felt any presence of anyone being in there. "Renji? Open the door."

What if he was just ignoring me? It's definitely a possibility that he's doing that. But come on. We're all grown ups here. Besides that night, we were both drunk (by us I meant him) and weird things happen. "Come on, Renji, open up... We need to talk anyway. About that night.. I-I mean, I want to help you get better too but-"

"Rangiku?"

I froze when I heard a very familiar voice call from behind me. I slowly turned, face burning of embarrassment. "I thought you were sick."

He blinked a few times before letting the both of us in his room. "I am. But it's just a slight cold. That's all."

"Oh." I had nothing else to say but I was curious if he heard me when I was talking to his door.

It wasn't until he turned to face me when my face felt all hot again. "Um... You were talking to my door... but I heard what you said. And I agree. We do need to talk."

I didn't like the way he said it. We weren't dating or anything but it feels like he was breaking up with me. He walked over to his bed where he encouraged to sit beside him. I was reluctant but I obeyed.

"First I just want to say that I'm sorry. I was sort of avoiding you for a few days. But only because I thought you just needed the space. I didn't want to make things any more uncomfortable than it already is." He explained, staring at the floor before us. "But let me say this... It's possibly going to make things more awkward but... It feels like I have a need to say it to you anyway."

He was making me feel nervous again. Was he going to say that it was the sake talking? Or... I don't know. I'm just scaring myself. Yet, no matter how much I think about it, I actually want him to say that he's got some sort of feelings for me. But only because I don't want to be the only one with the crush. Crushes are so childish... Oh, I'm hurting my own head with all of these mixed thoughts!

"There is a large possibility that the things I was telling you... Might be more true than I expected..."

I look at him in slight disbelief. For one thing, I was relieved that I wasn't the only one with these weird feelings. He doesn't look at me after his admittance."

I'm glad then. Because... I've got a little crush on you too." I admitted. But for some reason, I didn't feel so embarrassed saying it. Renji suddenly laughs before looking back at me. "Really? Huh, that's so funny."

"I know, right?"

A/N: Yeah. I know. Sucky chapter. But don't worry! I'm cooking up a really good chapter for next time ^^


	11. Chapter 11

Lush

Chapter 11:

[Abarai]

So that's it...

No more tension. Right?

"I always wanted to do this."Rangiku commented, steeping in the grass barefooted. For the past four days, I have watched her even more, My duty to watch over her has grown stronger. My desire to keep my eye on her is greater than ever.

I smiled as I watched wander around the dark garden.

If it wasn't for the massive amount of lighting from the moon, I wouldn't have gotten to see this- Rangiku at her best. Eyes bright with enjoyment, and a vibe as strong as the heart that lies in her chest. I only get poetic when I'm lost for words.

"You should try it. The grass feels wonderful."Rangiku offers, reaching for me. "I'll pass. I'd rather lay in the grass than taking my shoes off-"

"Good then. I need to speak with you anyway."She tugged at my arm, forcing the both of us on the damped ground. The only thing I am able to look at now is the sky. But I can still feel her presence beside me.

"It's been a good while since we have asked each other what's going on in our minds."She began, laying comfortably beside me.

"It's true. It was the only things we spoke about in the beginning... But now that we have placed our sadness behind us, we don't really find the need to look for a shoulder to cry on."

Rangiku responds with a short sigh. As if she was saddened that we had rid the issues in our lives. "It's funny you should say that..."Again, she sighs, "My dreams of Gin... They have returned."

She didn't sound upset. There was more of exhaustion in her tone. I looked at her as she stared out. I didn't know what to say, actually. Rangiku turns her eyes to me then offers me a smile. "It seems that Gin still has a grasp on me. Somehow... It feels like I failed myself..."

"It feels like I failed _YOU_... Renji."

"How?"

"All of those words of encouragement and strength coming form you seems like such a waste now."

It must be discouraging. To have someone like Ichimaru to haunt her mind once again. I wanted to comfort her but I wasn't sure if it would help. "You didn't fail me, Rangiku."

I reached for her arm but she doesn't respond. In that case, I sat up and embraced her, tightly. "You have been surviving this for so long. You can't let him take you away now."

"You amaze me... Renji... Even in times like this... You always try to see the better side of everything. And for that I thank you."

I react with a smile.

Rangiku is strong. I'm sure she can overcome this. I'm sure of it.

As I held her, she rests her head comfortably on my shoulder. It was... _very _comfortable. I found the sudden urge to kiss the top of her head... For comfort...

So, I did.

Before she got a chance to react awkwardly, I spoke up. "So... What are these dreams like ?"I finally asked.

"They're... surprisingly pleasant."

"Pleasant?"I repeated.

Pleasant, she says. No wonder she doesn't seems as disturbed as before. She might not have told me much about those previous dreams, but still. "It's as if Gin somehow found out that I don't really need him... And that he's begging for my attention."

There was some slight humor in her voice. Flattered tone even.

She turns her head to me once more again. "He wants to take me away from you."

How life would be without Rangiku... It would be absolutely awful. I can't even imagine it. To not wake up and feel good because of her existence... To feel trapped where so few understood you... Rangiku is... Everything to me.

"He can try."I said, still holding her. "You're not going anywhere. You'll remain here, in my arms."

I could feel her stare on me. My eyes back at her quickly. "You got that?"

Her eye were full of surprise. But in a good way. Eventually, she smile and nods in agreement. "Yeah, I got it."

"Good then."

At that moment, it was then Rangiku and I stared at each other for the longest. Her eyes didn't pull away from mines. It's as if it was the first time we had seen each other for a very long time. "What are you thinking about?"I finally asked, still locking my eyes with hers.

"You."She admitted. "I'm very lucky to have you."

She rests her head on me again before eventually drifting off into a deep sleep...

...I wanted to say so much to her...

Things that I shouldn't say to her. Things that you only say to people that you... love.

I sigh in frustration, wondering what the hell is going on with me. Why do I feel this way?

"If you're so sleepy, you should just head back to the barracks."I spoke. She doesn't reply. I'll assume that she couldn't hear a word I was saying.

"Rangiku."I spoke softly.

She stirs slightly but my voice wasn't getting to her.

I brushed her hair from her face before staring her down again. "I wish I had fallen in love with _you_... Rangiku Matsumoto... Then maybe, _just maybe_, I wouldn't have been so emotional with everything... I wouldn't have been so messed up with Rukia. And if I was a bit lucky... You would have at least let me down a bit easier..."

I wanted to say so much more... So much more...

After leaving Rangiku to her room, I decided to give myself the time to think. To _**REALLY**_ think. Things have been so confusing lately. It's mostly because I'm the one making things difficult. For the both of us.

Now the question is...

What exactly am I looking for in my good friend, Rangiku. She's smart. beautiful. Strong. Funny. She's really... Everything.

Do I love her?

DO I?

Now's not the time to lie to myself. If I _do_ love her, then I do. If otherwise, okay.

"Do I love her?"I spoke to myself.

Even if I do, will she accept me?

The thought of getting turned down feared me. It would hurt me more if she was to do so...

Then it must be true. I _am _in love with Rangiku. But for one thing, I can't tell her. For the sake of our friendship. Then it's decided. "I am in love with Matsumoto Rangiku."

Just saying it gives me the chills. It was exciting. I felt... good. I felt my lips tug into a smile.

I must have loved her for a while if I feel like _this_.

A/N: Aww, isn't that sweet? Who would have thought that OUR Renji would be the first to fall in love? I keep picturing Renji as this hopeless romantic. **aww Renji!**

HAHA but yeah. I must say I'm sorry. If I could, I would bow down for forgiveness for being such an awful author. My spring semester began and started to kick my ass early in the game. So, I apologize (again) if I'm updating slow AND that I like to jump around in my stories. Sorry guys! I love you all. I'll try my best to update more. Need reviews people!


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